Divorce Advice: Back-To-School Tips For Divorced Parents

Co-parenting during the summer can be hellish (ever tried coordinating vacation schedules with your ex? It can require strategic abilities Napoleon would have admired). But if there's anything more crazy-making for divorced parents, it's sending kids back to school post-split. Whether the divorce happened long ago or since the school year wrapped last spring, the abrupt end to the lazy days of summer and the onset of stricter schedules, coupled with kids' often complicated school-year routines, is enough to make divorced parents' heads spin.

Instead of trying to solve the myriad challenges that might arise on our own, we asked our HuffPost Divorce experts--co-parents, psychologists, lawyers, educators--to share their best advice on how to handle sending children of divorce back-to-school. Below, check out what they told us, and add your own tips in the comments.

Plan The Year Out To A Tee

Have a summit meeting. Sit down in the late summer with all the key adult players in your family with calendars, get all the school schedules out (schools should have these online), and plan the year from September to June. Everything -- school breaks, weekends, etc. Then you have a basic overview of where everyone will be and when. Less confusion leads to less misunderstanding leads to more clarity leads to happier people. Things may change as the year progresses but at least everyone has a general understanding and agreement of how the year will play out from the start. 

Master the Backpack

It's all about the backpack. Kids with two homes need a space that's uniquely "theirs," even if it's portable. Every September, we spend time making my daughter's new backpack into her personal universe that she keeps with her, no matter whose apartment she's staying in. Small consistencies like that really matter. 
--Debra Goldstein, writer and IndieMom

If There's Only One Active Parent, Speak Up

If one of the parents has moved away and is not actively involved in the child's life, be sure to let the new teachers know. This avoids embarrassment to the child and school administration, for example if there is a "Dad's Day" and no one to attend. Your kid won't be alone in this. I let my boys' teachers know that they lived with me, that they still loved their dad very much, but he had moved away and wouldn't be able to attend routine school functions. 
--D A Wolf, freelance writer and single mother of two teen sons

Tell Kids To Keep it Simple

Kids may be uncertain about how to explain their living situation to classmates. Tell them to keep it simple: "I live with my Mom some days and with my Dad the other days." Also, don't erase the other parent from school records. In most cases, list you ex as the emergency contact. Your new husband is not the children's father and should not be listed as such on school forms. 
--Richard Warshak

Don't Be Afraid to Call Grandma and Grandpa

Avoid using school activities as a place to exchange the child. Since exchanges are often underscored by arguing and conflicted parents, children are entitled to participate in their school activities free of any worries associated with their parents' conduct. Also, grandparents are a great substitute when working parents cannot attend school functions. Grandparents can offer relief for parents whose schedules interfere with being present at school activities -- especially those occurring during the workday. Newly separated parents are encouraged to ask for help from close family members or trusted family friends. 
--Claire N. Barnes

Get Involved In Homework

Try to have your kids do homework with you, even if you are not the custodial parent. Helping them with their homework is a primary parental responsibility -- and a joy. But it's easy to consider that the exclusive role of the guardian parent. If there are two homes -- and there are -- then homework can be done in either one. Try to see your kids on homework nights and ask them often if there are any big projects you can help with. 
--Joel Schwarzberg, author of The 40-Year-Old Version

Communicate Directly With Your Ex

Never use your child as a messenger to inform your ex about school and extra-curricular activities, such as "mom says you should attend teacher conferences next week." It's awful for the child, and it's highly unreliable. Communicate directly with your ex. Email is great for this because you have a written record. Your ex can't later claim, "but I didn't know."
--Lynn Maier, Partner at Kurzman Eisenberg Corbin & Lever, LLP

Double Up

Buy duplicate used school books for your household. It's not worth the drama with your ex-spouse or your child having a "built in" excuse not doing homework. Go to www.Textboooks.com and have a separate set at your home. 
--Richard "RJ" Jaramillo, founder of SingleDad.com

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